The government might’ve met Satoshi Nakamoto

Plus: Nigeria wants $80B, Binance says lol no

GM. Woke up, checked the charts, and blended my feelings into a smoothie of denial.

But before we get into today’s squeeze, quick heads-up 👀

Things are gonna be a bit different this week – today’s issue is shorter… and so will tomorrow’s and Friday’s be.

Also, the juicer’s taking a break on Thursday, so there’ll be no squeeze at all.

(I know, heartbreaking… please don’t throw fruit. We still love you.)

Now…

🍍 Market flavor today

Crypto Market Cap: $2.54T 0.47% (24H)
Name		Price	24H	7D
	Bitcoin BTC	$78,783.16	0.78%	-6.88%
	Ethereum ETH	$1,535.69	-1.23%	-18.79%
	XRP XRP	$1.91	2.01%	-11.56%
	BNB BNB	$561.08	1.37%	-8.66%

🥝 Memecoin harvest

If dopamine was a chart, these memecoins would be maxed out:

Data as of 09:00 AM EST.

Check out these memecoins and plenty more here.

🍋 News drops

Here’s some stuff your group chat should be talking about today:

🕵️‍♂️ Did the feds meet Satoshi?

A lawyer from the US is suing the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) because he thinks they’re hiding the identity of Satoshi Nakamoto.

Apparently, a DHS agent admitted that her team interviewed four people involved in Bitcoin’s creation – and the lawyer wants proof the meeting happened.

Full story here

🧹 Clean-up on scam aisle

Australian regulators are gonna shut down 95 crypto scam companies. A review showed that only 3 of them had any actual assets, while the rest were mostly fronts for pig butchering schemes.

In total, nearly 1,500 people across 14 countries lost over $35M to these scams. Ouch.

Full story here

📬 Binance said “don’t @ me”

Back in February, Nigeria’s tax agency sued Binance, saying the exchange owed $2B in taxes and should pay almost $80B more in damages for allegedly hurting the local economy.

But Binance is fighting back: the exchange’s lawyers said the way they were served legal papers – by email – wasn’t allowed, since the company’s based outside Nigeria.

The court paused the case until April 30 so the tax agency can reply.

Full story here

🤖 AI, fake ads, and $20M gone

Six people in Spain got arrested for using AI and deepfake ads to scam over 200 people out of $20M through fake crypto investments.

Oh, and btw, these scammers had the audacity to come back for round two: they pretended to be Europol agents and told victims they could get their money back… after paying a fee.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice… JAIL, idk?

Full story here

💸 Someone’s cashing out MELANIA

Bubblemaps flagged something sketchy: over $30M in MELANIA memecoins were moved and partly sold.

The team and the token’s creator, Hayden Davis, haven’t said a thing about it.

Full story here

🍌 Juicy memes