Plus: Nigeria wants $80B, Binance says lol no
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GM. Woke up, checked the charts, and blended my feelings into a smoothie of denial.
But before we get into today’s squeeze, quick heads-up 👀
Things are gonna be a bit different this week – today’s issue is shorter… and so will tomorrow’s and Friday’s be.
Also, the juicer’s taking a break on Thursday, so there’ll be no squeeze at all.
(I know, heartbreaking… please don’t throw fruit. We still love you.)
Now…
🍍 Market flavor today
| Crypto Market Cap: $2.54T 0.47% (24H) | ||||
| Name | Price | 24H | 7D | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
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Bitcoin BTC | $78,783.16 | 0.78% | -6.88% |
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Ethereum ETH | $1,535.69 | -1.23% | -18.79% |
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XRP XRP | $1.91 | 2.01% | -11.56% |
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BNB BNB | $561.08 | 1.37% | -8.66% |
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🥝 Memecoin harvest
If dopamine was a chart, these memecoins would be maxed out:
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Name |
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24H Change |
|---|---|---|---|
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New Ancient DNA Cloned Wolf REMUS |
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SVJ Coin SVJ |
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Housecoin HOUSE |
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Paraverse PVS |
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Data as of 09:00 AM EST.
Check out these memecoins and plenty more here.
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🍋 News drops
Here’s some stuff your group chat should be talking about today:
🕵️♂️ Did the feds meet Satoshi?
A lawyer from the US is suing the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) because he thinks they’re hiding the identity of Satoshi Nakamoto.
Apparently, a DHS agent admitted that her team interviewed four people involved in Bitcoin’s creation – and the lawyer wants proof the meeting happened.
Full story here
🧹 Clean-up on scam aisle
Australian regulators are gonna shut down 95 crypto scam companies. A review showed that only 3 of them had any actual assets, while the rest were mostly fronts for pig butchering schemes.
In total, nearly 1,500 people across 14 countries lost over $35M to these scams. Ouch.
Full story here
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📬 Binance said “don’t @ me”
Back in February, Nigeria’s tax agency sued Binance, saying the exchange owed $2B in taxes and should pay almost $80B more in damages for allegedly hurting the local economy.
But Binance is fighting back: the exchange’s lawyers said the way they were served legal papers – by email – wasn’t allowed, since the company’s based outside Nigeria.
The court paused the case until April 30 so the tax agency can reply.
Full story here
🤖 AI, fake ads, and $20M gone
Six people in Spain got arrested for using AI and deepfake ads to scam over 200 people out of $20M through fake crypto investments.
Oh, and btw, these scammers had the audacity to come back for round two: they pretended to be Europol agents and told victims they could get their money back… after paying a fee.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice… JAIL, idk?
Full story here
💸 Someone’s cashing out MELANIA
Bubblemaps flagged something sketchy: over $30M in MELANIA memecoins were moved and partly sold.
The team and the token’s creator, Hayden Davis, haven’t said a thing about it.
Full story here
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Now you’re in the know. But think about your friends – they probably have no idea. I wonder who could fix that… 😃🫵 Spread the word and be the hero you know you are! |
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