Donald Trump declares war on penguins

Plus: Is your Android possessed?

GM. Sippin’ on some cold-pressed crypto facts – no pulp, just the weirdest headlines and spicy rumors.

⚠️ New phones that come with malware.

🍋 News drops: BNB ETF plans, stablecoin regulation updates + more

🍍 Market flavor today

Crypto Market Cap: $2.64T -4.66% (24H)
Name		Price	24H	7D
	Bitcoin BTC	$81,874.04	-5.56%	-5.95%
	Ethereum ETH	$1,776.58	-6.42%	-11.68%
	XRP XRP	$2.00	-8.03%	-14.68%
	BNB BNB	$585.61	-3.45%	-8.17%

Donald Trump’s Liberation Day came and went – and yeah, we were liberated… from the burden of being rich.

He announced tariffs on 185 countries at once – one of the biggest tariff announcements in US history.

Here’s the full list…

… and it includes a 10% tariff on the Heard and McDonald Islands, which have a total population of 0 and are inhabited by PENGUINS.

TRUMP TAXED PENGUINS.

Aaanyways, what’s the deal?

The base rate is a 10% tariff on every country.

BUT! It’ll go higher for some – the US will match half of whatever tariff a country charges on American goods. For example:

• The EU charges a 39% tariff on US goods → so it gets hit with a 20% tariff;

• China charges 67% → they’re getting 34% (except that’s on top of the 20% tariff Trump previously announced, so China’s total is 54%).

Quick n simple mafematics, but this whole thing was still surprising, because most people assumed it would just be 10% across the board.

That said, a few countries and industries managed to dodge the full Trump special this time:

• Canada and Mexico have been exempted from the new round of tariffs because they’re still dealing with earlier ones;

• Russia, Cuba, Belarus, and North Korea have also been excluded, because they already have so many sanctions and tariffs on them that there’s barely any trade left to tax;

• As for industries – copper, pharmaceuticals, semiconductors, and lumber won’t be touched by any of the new tariffs.

The 10% tax starts on Saturday, and the higher, country-specific tariffs begin next Wednesday.

They’ll stay in place until Trump decides the US trade deficit isn’t a “problem” anymore (… yeah, no clue when that’ll be).

And the market reaction? Well…

S&P 500 futures lost $2 trillion in market cap in under 15 minutes. That’s trillion. With a T. Yes.

Crypto got dragged too – the total market cap dropped by $130 billion.

So yeah. Happy Liberation Day to those who celebrate. The penguins will remember this 🥲

🥝 Memecoin harvest

From wtf is this? to I should’ve sold my kidney 😀👍

Data as of 08:00 AM EST.

Check out these memecoins and plenty more here.

On Monday, we told you not to trust random apps because a crocodile might hurt you. If you have no idea what I’m talking about… uhh, long story, read it here.

Well, now, we’ve got another fun update to get you even more paranoid!! 😁 Just what we all need in this economy!! 😁

Jokes aside, tho’ – you do have to be aware of this.

Cybersecurity firm Kaspersky warns: be careful when buying Android phones from unknown sellers.

That phone you got online for a too good to be true deal might end up costing you WAY more later.

Cuz some of ’em are fake versions of popular models, and they come with a little surprise: the Triada Trojan.

That’s a nasty type of malware that’s already installed in the phone’s firmware. So no, you can’t just delete it – it’s buried deep in the system.

And it can do a ton of creepy stuff, like:

• Send messages on your behalf;

• Spy on pretty much everything you do – for example, what kinda weird sh*t you Google;

• Download and run other programs;

• Block your internet connection to stop anti-fraud tools from working;

• Replace wallet addresses to steal your crypto;

• Etc etc etc.

Basically, if your phone’s infected, it stops being your phone. Scary stuff.

So far, more than 2,600 people (mostly in Russia) have already fallen victim, and the hackers have stolen at least $270K in crypto.

(Which could be more, especially since they’re also going after Monero – a cryptocurrency that’s super hard to trace.)

VERY scary stuff.

How do you protect yourself?

• Only buy phones from official stores or trusted sellers;

• As soon as you get your new phone, install antivirus or security software. Right away. NO excuses.

Stay safe out there – your phone should be smart, not evil 💀

🍋 News drops

😠 Representative Maxine Waters slammed Trump at a House hearing. She said that the stablecoin launched by a company linked to his family is a major red flag.

🚀 VanEck filed to set up a Delaware trust company for a BNB ETF. It’s the first time anyone’s tried to launch a BNB ETF in the US.

🐙 Kraken got a new license from Canada’s OSC. It’s another step in showing they’re serious about running smoothly for their Canadian users.

📄 The STABLE Act passed the Financial Services Committee. It now heads to a full House vote.

🎶 OnlyFans founder Tim Stokely’s new app, Zoop, and the HBAR Foundation want to buy TikTok. TikTok must be sold to a non-Chinese company by April 5 or face a ban in the US.

🍌 Juicy memes